In the manner of the famous Henry Root series of spoof letters of the 1970s, humorist Andy Bain has hooked in Scottish politicians with his individual line in public participation.

Posing as a dotty retired doctor with nothing better to do than make comment on personal appearance, or as a Rangers-supporting Asian postmaster, an abusive pensioner busybody, or a right wing 'hang-'em-an-flog-'em' Green, the correspondence is hilarious. It makes telling comment on the state of our body politic.

Who said politics is boring? With Andy Bain, it's a case of Don't Vote for an idiot, Vote for a clown.

I laughed till I nearly wet myself!"

Sunday Times Scotland

"The McRoot letters...gullibility and vanity have been exposed."
The Scotsman

From the Publisher

I have spent some time trying to choose an excerpt from Andy's book for inclusion in this listing but it is virtually impossible. As when editing the material, loud laughter was heard to come from the office. With tears virtually running down my face all I can say is you just have to buy this book. It's the best tonic available for the price!

From the Author

On the 23rd of March 1979 Henry Root addressed the first of his many letters to Mrs Thatcher. The brilliant William Donaldson, the journalist behind The Henry Root Letters, sensed that Britain was on the precipice of a new era. Henry Root corresponded with politicians, Chief Constables, Captains of Industry, Fleet Street Editors and media personalities. His letters probed their hypocrisies, strange gullibilities and peculiar vanities.
With the arrival of 129 new members in the first Scottish parliament in 300 years it occurred to me that the same method could reveal some invaluable insights into our new Scottish democracy. There were far fewer landowners among the membership than the last time a parliament sat in Edinburgh - even to vote in those days you had to be a substantial property owner. But in the modern version, in order to get a sniff of government you simply have to be a party member and a loyal one.
I launched my campaign in May 2001 under the pseudonym of Archie Beatty. My first letter informed Lord Steel that I was in contact with extraterrestrials...
The title of the book needs some explanation. In the mid-1980s the immensely popular French comedian 'Coluche' stood for the French Presidency. His slogan was 'Don't vote for an Idiot, Vote for a Clown'.  

Excerpted from Don't Vote for an Idiot, Vote for a Clown by Andy Bain. Copyright (c) 2002. Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

From Roberta Caldwell-Smyth, Editor, Church Newsletter
To Bristol Muldoon MSP

Dear Mr Muldoon,
Whilst preparing an article on avarice for our little publication, I stumbled upon the statistics for MSPs' allowances on the Scottish Parliament website. I was astounded to find that whereas the average cost of a local office among your colleagues is £9399 you, Sir, find it necessary to squander the extravagant sum of £18039.
It was not my intention to write to you on this matter but over the intervening period the impression of unrestrained profligacy has grown on me. I mentioned it to the Minister of this parish and several of our Kirk Elders. They were equally astonished that.........
........We have decided that as responsible citizens it is not good enough to simply shrug our shoulders and disappointedly shake our heads. We feel so deeply on this that it is the intention of myself, the Minister and Mr Eric Bryson (Elder) to visit your Constituency Office on the morning of Friday, 15 Nov. at 09.00 am. to seek an explanation for the apparently reckless expenditure on your offices......
......God Bless and God Forgive You

Mrs Roberta Caldwell-Smyth  

From Bristol Muldoon MSP
To Mrs Roberta Caldwell-Smyth

Dear Mrs Caldwell-Smyth

Thank you for you letter regarding my office allowances. As you are not a constituent I would not normally respond on such matters. However, given your gross misunderstanding of the situation I feel I have to set matters straight.
The sum of £18,000 to which you refer is the cost related to the running of my constituency office in Livingston. It covers such items as rent, rates, telephone bills, heating, lighting and burglar alarm......
.......Given the above I do not see any point in having a meeting but I look forward to receiving an apology.

Yours sincerely

Bristol Muldoon
MSP for Livingston

From Roberta Caldwell-Smyth
To Bristol Muldoon MSP

Dear Mr Muldoon

You, Sir, are an impudent hound. How dare you demand an apology from members of the public for exercising their citizen's duty to monitor the reprehensible conduct of their elected servants.
The letter you sent is risible. Do you seriously expect us to believe that you spend £9000 more than the average on your 'rented' office because you paid for a 'burglar alarm'!!
You and your party have drowned this country in political sleaze......
.....And what of you personally Mr Muldoon? What have you contributed to this first Scottish parliament in 300 years? A deplorable episode of projectile vomiting at a Xmas party for MSPs is your only acitivity of note for your £50,000 wages. For shame Mr Muldoon.
We enclose five pounds in lieu of the thirty pieces of silver you are due from the Scottish electorate.
God forgive you

Mrs Roberta Caldwell-Smyth

From Bristow Muldoon MSP
To Ms Roberta Caldwell-Smyth

Dear Ms Caldwell-Smyth

Having received your letter of 10th November I have to advise you that it is the nastiest piece of correspondence I have ever received.
That it comes from someone who advises me that she is the Editor of a church Newsletter amazes me.
I see no point in continuing any further correspondence, however I return your £5 which you enclosed with the letter.

Yours sincerely

Brian Muldoon
MSP for Livingston

ISBN: 1902831 58 6